The Virgin Suicide
by juliet's revenge
Summary: Bella Swan, brilliant street rat, struggles to blend at prestigious Forks Prep and crosses paths with derelict outsider, British student Edward Cullen. Thing is... they've met once before. Now their destinies entwine in this dark tale. AH RATED M
1. Letter from Bella

~*o*~

_From the desk of B. Swan_

Dear Reader,

This is my life story. You've wandered here with good intentions but what you don't know is, this just might be your story, too. Have you ever loved someone when you knew it was wrong? When they didn't deserve? Until you hurt? And you knew it would, but you did it anyway. It blistered and severed parts of you you didn't know were there and ripped pieces out you would have otherwise not recognized. And it was wrong, and was right, and it seemed black, but glowed white, and you decided it gray, so it couldn't be wrong. Unwittingly, you followed it.

Everyone talks about the light at the end of the tunnel. It blurs the edges and makes the dark hollow place seem optimistic and hopeful. And it's a lie. A mirage that lures you deeper into the pitch, pitch black until you're too far-gone to find a way out. But you don't want a way out, do you? The dark is suddenly warm and the tunnel comforts you as it collapses around you and steals your breath. It echoes a voice you faintly recall speaking words you never said before and sometimes, in its silence, you let yourself think the darkness loves you back.

At the end you find no light, but a small mirror in a cold empty space and the seductive glow was a reflection your own false hopes. Snuffed out on the long journey through the depths. The pain from your travels now a caress, an embrace.

And the Tunnel? Well, it was no tunnel at all. A Labyrinth of sorts. A Coil. And it took you down to the place you belong and where you always destined to be, eradicating the idyllic delusions of white knights and butterfly fields. What would you give up to be with The One you love? What would you sacrifice? Is there no greater tribute than to suffer at the hand of the one who owns you, body and soul?

This is true love.

This is worth dying for.

Secrets-Lies-Innocence-Lost-Privilege-Poverty-Depravity-Betrayal-Drugs-Sex-Angst-Death-Chaos

An unholy alliance has formed.

_Welcome to the downward spiral._

_by: Bella Swan_

_Best of luck._

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_**A/N: Glad you made it! This is going to be fun. A slow-ish start, but we are ramping up for very Rated R story here. Don't worry, it's not actually a tragedy in the conventional sense, but this Bella and Edward are in for quite a ride. I hope you can trust me to take there! And don't forget to REVIEW! **_

_**hearts & stars,**_

_**Juliet's Revenge**_


	2. Brick Wall, Glass house

_Think warm thoughts, think warm thoughts, think warm thoughts._ I recited to myself over and over as I strode quickly down the alley on my way to my sisters house.

_Crackling fires_

_Lying on the beach_

_Warm bread from the oven…_

Ahh! I should have known thinking warm things would lead to thoughts of food. I could hear my stomach rumble with hollowness as I pulled my jacket tighter around me. It only made me hungrier than I already am which didn't seem possible. I couldn't afford to be hungry right now because….well, because I couldn't afford food.

Sucks to be broke.

All part of the unfortunate circumstance of being poor in general.

I finally got to my sister's building and swung the door open with optimism. She would come through for me.

I raced up the stairs to her unit and pounded on the door with a sideways fist. But after a while I got no answer.

Pound again.

"What?!" a highly irritated voice shouted from within.

"Renee, open the damn door."

"Who is it?"

"Don't fuck around. It's Bella! And it's fucking freezing out here let me in!"

If there were ever such a thing as an f-bomb contest, I'd win. It was just one of those magical words that worked in any scenario.

_Get the fuck out of my way._

_Yes, I will have some more fucking potatoes._

_No, Officer, I fucking swear it wasn't me._

See? Magic.

I heard her footstep getting closer to the door and then the deadbolt turned and clicked.

"Bella, now's not a good time," she said apologetically through the small crack currently being maintained by the chain lock. I could see through the crack she was only wearing a black silk robe and her long dark hair hung loosely and wildly down her chest.

"Renee," I said with a voice of warning and I pushed against the door.

She pushed back.

"Bella, seriously, I'm sorry. But Phil is here. Can you go hang out somewhere for a couple hours?" she asked pleadingly.

I gave her my best death stare and sucked in a deep breath, trying my best not to lose my shit on her. She knew how important it was I get some sleep tonight. And where the hell was I supposed to go? It was already 1am.

"Renee," I said in a restrained voice. "I. Have. School. Tomorrow."

"And I. Have. Work. Tonight," she replied, matching my anger. I exhaled heavily. Renee was an exotic dancer and Phil was some hotshot customer that was a big tipper. I always knew if he'd come in the club that night because Renee would buy lots of groceries the next day.

She was a hooker with a heart of gold.

From time to time she'd start "dating" one of her regulars and I guess it was Phil's turn on the merry-go-round. The tips he gave for a dance were pretty unreal so I could only imagine what kind of money she was getting for a little off-duty playtime. I didn't like it, but I didn't judge her for it either. She was surviving. Besides, I wasn't really in a position to judge. Glasshouses, and all that.

I scowled. "Alright, but give me some cash"

"Done," she said with a relieved smile.

She disappeared for a sec but quickly returned with a folded bill.

"Later," I said as I snatched it from her hand and bounded down the stairs.

Damn, it's cold.

I shivered as I burst out the door and turned the corner around the side of her building, headed to the Quickie mart for dinner.

Again, not many places to go at one a.m., especially in a small town like Forks.

I had just moved here after getting back in touch with my sister. We were separated after our parents died five years back. She was 14 at the time and her best friends parents took pity on her and let her stay with them. She never told me why, but she eventually ran away from them, bouncing from friend to friend, crashing where she could, unlike me who was 10 at the time and had the lovely experience of the child welfare system. I'm sure there are decent foster parents out there in the world…somewhere.

But not in California.

So, at twelve, I ran away.

I'll spare you the gory details, but living on the streets was a vast improvement from group homes and creepy foster dads that insisted you sit on their lap and call them Daddy. I took one of my fellow foster kids with me, but something… happened… and I found myself alone.

This past summer I finally worked up the nerve to get in touch with Renee. I didn't want to burden her because I knew she'd had it just as hard as me. She had been dancing in LA when she met someone and relocated up here. I'm not sure what happened with that relationship because she clearly wasn't in one now, but she didn't seem eager to discuss what had happened in her life while we were separated. Which was fine with me because I wasn't the sharing type.

And I didn't really want to talk about it.

I didn't know how she'd react to me contacting her, but she was the only living family I had so I didn't have much to lose. She seemed pretty excited to hear from me and it surprised me somehow. We had been close, I guess, but somehow, not close at all. One of those weird sister deals. After that initial phone call, she sent me money for a bus ticket and I showed up on her doorstep a few days later. She opened the door and stared at me for a while.

_You look like her_ she'd said.

_You, too_ I'd replied and walked in, throwing my backpack on her sofa.

She showed me a small dilapidated room (my bedroom) and that's the only time I've brought my mother up in five years. I think it was awkward for both of us to live with a constant reminder of what was gone.

In a lot of ways Renee and I felt like strangers to each other. If we were home together at the same time, we stayed out of the others way, rotating closely in a shared space but never touching, like two opposing magnets. It didn't used to be like that but we were different people now. It was just different with our parents around. I shook my head quickly, reminding myself to not go down that depressing road tonight. Reminiscing was a luxury I couldn't afford.

Kinda like socks.

I ate my Skittles and bag of Sun-chips quickly and washed it down with a water, sitting Indian style up against the side of the Jiffy. The brick wall just made me colder.

I looked down at my cheap plastic watch and regretted eating so quickly because I still had hours to burn until I could head back. I guess I could go hang out in the Laundromat for a while, maybe take a nap up against the dryer. That's the go-to place for warmth.

While contemplating accommodations for the night, I leaned back, drawing my knees to my chest, and turned my face up towards the starry navy sky above. The round full moon was always a comfort. It was my constant even in the darkest nights of my life.

The peace was interrupted when a big expensive looking Jeep swung into the parking lot and up to the gas pump. It was blaring Lil Wayne and there were a few collegiate looking white boys rapping in unison, butchering the harmony with their whiteness.

So this is what I have to look forward to this year.

Tomorrow was my first day at a new school. When I met up with Renee a couple months ago, I had been out of the school system for quite a few years, which was fine with me, but she insisted if I stayed with her, I had to go back.

So, I took a bunch of tests and did pretty well on them. Actually, the examiners didn't believe my scores and accused me of cheating. It was another one of those times where the F-bomb was perfectly suited for the occasion. After a lively debate, and me threatening to sue their asses for discriminating against a poor underprivileged kid like me, they retested me. And again, flying colors.

My scores caught the attention of the head administrator and he got me a scholarship into the local private school, Forks Preparatory Academy.

I was kind of excited to be going back to school. I'd always done well but that was before my life had turned to shit. But mostly, I was nervous. Nervous about going to a school filled with preppy spoiled assholes that flaunted their daddy's money.

But I could play the game.

I'd gotten good at that.

But in order to be on my A game tomorrow, I needed some damn sleep tonight. I looked down to check the time on my watch again.

"Hey" I heard a voice from above me. I looked up and saw it was Captain Gangsta Rap from the Jeep. I guess I'd gone soft since I'd been staying with my sister because nobody would have ever been able to sneak up on me like that a few months ago.

"Hey" I said back to the boyish blond.

I could see a single malt beer peeking out from the paper bag in his hand.

He looked down at the drink in his hand and tipped it towards me, in a silent offer. "Why don't you come kick it with my and my friends for a while?"

"No thanks." My jaw tensed because I did not want any shit from horny frat boys tonight.

He smiled. "Aww, come on. We don't bite."

"Yeah, well I might."

"Mike, come on, you faggot!" bellowed a loud voice.

I looked over and saw the two other homies standing next to the Jeep. One looked like a linebacker. From what I could make out, he had dark curly hair and arms the size of tires, bursting out of his polo shirt complete with popped collar. The guy standing next to him was tall and lanky with dirty blonde hair in ripped jeans and white v-neck who smiled in a friendly, almost apologetic way. In another universe, I may have actually been nice to a guy like that. But this was tonight, in this universe, and I just wanted them all to leave me alone.

Then there was the one sliding back in to the seat behind the driver's wheel. This one...

Well, this one was gorgeous. In that sickening way that just made it unfair for all other guys to compete. But the bored look on his face told me he knew that. For a moment, our eyes caught and I got the most unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then he seemed to sigh, before raking his hand through his hair and busying himself with the radio.

"Come on. It'll be fun," coaxed the blonde guy in front of me, jarring my attention away.

"No thank you." I replied, firmly but politely.

They were just innocent rich kids. Harmless. No reason to go off on them.

"Whatever."

He shrugged and stumbled back to the car to rejoin his crew. I watched them as they screeched out of the parking lot, the boyish blond hanging out of the wind, carefree and rapping along with Kanye now. And I couldn't help but think they're assholes because they don't even know how lucky they are. They'll probably cuss their parents out for getting them the wrong rims or the nano instead of the regular IPod. Lucky to be headed back home.

To safety.

To a bed and a family.

To a life.

I got up and dusted off the back of my jeans before jaywalking across the street to the Laundromat. I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head like I always did and set my alarm on my watch to four am. Renee would definitely be done by then but I'd probably need to get ready for school early.

First day and all.

I put a quarter in the dryer on the end and snuggled up against. It was always better when the dryer was running because of the warmth. Plus, the noise helped lull me to sleep. It was cozy and I could pretend. I could pretend I was back at home with my mom and my dad. That we were all together and they'd just tucked me in. I could close my eyes and see them right there. I could almost touch them. My dad moustache brushing my forehead when he hugged me. My mom's perfume that always smelled like roses. Real hot dinners where we'd sit around the table and talk about our day. Christmas. Easter. Birthdays. Love.

A fucking life.

I guess I liked the cycling noise of the dryer for another reason too.

I could hardly hear myself crying.

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**_A/N: Wow. Bella's got it rough. So if you didn't already know, this story is going to include lots of bad language, sexual situations, and drug references. Just like real teenage life at a private school. Also, this story is very dark and there will moments of real pain as all the mysteries unravel. I hope you stick around! And don't forget to REVIEW!!!_**


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